The Tribe

Humans are just animals on social media!

Now that I have your attention, let me phrase that correctly. Humans are social animals. People need people. Some need a lot. Some need a few.

There’s an old African proverb that says, “It takes a village to raise a child.” This means, that if you are in the city, you do it on your own!

As the kid grows up, it ditches the village that raised it (Who the f**k are these people Mom!) and establishes a new group - their social circle - THE TRIBE.

The Tribe has some really interesting traits.

1. Unlike the village that raised you, you choose your tribe. At least you believe you do. In reality, all relationships are formed due to the convergence of time, place, and circumstances.

2. The Tribe doesn't need to be on the same wavelength or connect at some emotional level. Please! Save that drama for the Koreans!

3. You don’t even have to like all of them. How is that for no pressure?

4. The Tribe meets mostly at parties or festivals (another word for parties). The rule is simple: drink, laugh, and go home!

5. At parties, conversations with a single person usually don’t last more than 10 minutes. Then, one of you would casually start looking around - hoping to make eye contact with someone else or one of you will pull in a 3rd person to join the conversation. (That poor third person had just stepped out onto the balcony for some fresh air). Once this is achieved, the key is to find an excuse to leave and let those two carry on. The best excuse is always to grab a refill*.

   *Pro-tip: If your glass is full and you need to get out of a conversation, simply drop your glass on the floor. (That’s why you always hear a glass break at parties. It’s not the drinks, it’s a human cry to escape)

6. The best thing about the tribe is they are incredibly polite with each other. They’ll stick together and never bitch about you….. in front of you.

If you resonate with the concept of a tribe, you belong to the majority. You are correct. And you are a normal, sane human being. I accept I am the outlier here.

I am not a tribe guy.

Never have been and I guess it’s too late now for me to tribalize (No such word exists but it does sound similar to trivialize…hmmm).

I’ve been playing along. My investment in a tribe, though, is comparable to that of a village raising a child. Let’s be real - the whole village thing is a little overrated. It’s the parents who raise the child. They are the true MVPs.

Now, at parties, I tend to be either quiet or absent.

I don’t know what to do when the first words in a conversation are, “Aur kya chal raha hai?” If you don’t know ki kya chal raha hai, there’s no point in me telling you now. Let’s refill our drinks….separately.

I find writing a standup show easier than trying to compete for social status at parties. I’m constantly amazed by the skills people possess. I often find myself wondering, “How did you manage to tell me how much you earn, what brands you wear, your dilemma on where to vacation next and how your dream of watching a Diljit concert from 10,000 feet away came true, all while we were discussing Delhi Pollution?”

I am a one-to-one guy.

I’d rather have a long chat over a cup of coffee. That means you need to slow down and notice the mood, the pause, the tone, the nod, the expressions, the ease, and the discomfort. You get to discover a person and let yourself be discovered. Understand them, and be understood. It requires words - spoken without the pressure of shouting over 20 others. It requires attention ( I’m a sucker for attention ☺️ )

I’ve never met someone at a party and truly gotten to know them. At a party, we are all pretending to be flawless. I don’t trust flawless people. Rumi once said, “A flawless person is most likely a serial killer in disguise.” (Well, okay, Rumi didn’t actually say it. He would have, If only you hadn’t shattered your glass on the floor and abruptly left in ten minutes.)

The world of pretence where everyone is on their best behaviour and smile at even those they hate is… to say the least….boring.

Flaws make people interesting and relatable.

Let’s have coffee. Let’s talk. Let the veneer fade away and see where this goes.

I have been part of many tribes. I am sure you have been too. We all go through different phases in our lives, like different ‘tribe eras.’ In each era, our world revolves around a few special people. But then, a trigger event occurs—like graduating from college, changing jobs, moving to a new place, or getting stabbed in the back—and the tribe fades away, and a new one starts. Some stick around for a while, like a sticky note on the fridge, but most don’t last a season.

My 10 mins are up. “Aur batao, kya chal raha hai?”

PS: I loved the tribalize joke. C’mon, it was smart!

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